By Chris and Carmen Garner
The home should be a place of peace, a refuge from the chaos in the world, yet far too many homes are not peaceful nor a place of refuge, but rather, chaotic. Too many Christian homes are battlefields; places of conflict, strife and discord. God’s design, His plan for the home is that it would be a place or refuge and peace where husbands, wives and children are recharged and ready for the challenges they will face. Interestingly, Proverbs, chapter 17 addresses this issue and provides wisdom about how to bring about the peace God wants for every home. Verse 1 begins the journey; “Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife.” Wealth and abundance don’t bring peace and too often can bring just the opposite. There is nothing wrong with wealth; but it is a matter of focus, what is more important? Wealth? Or peace in the home?
Verse 14 points out a reason for strife in the home; “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” So often, we argue about inconsequential things! Yes, we must address sin and wrong behavior, but how often do we launch into arguments that are, really, about nothing. One spouse said something wrong, or there was some perceived slight that set a spouse off. There are many things we can overlook to avoid arguments. Verse 19 continues this thought; “He who loves a quarrel loves sin; he who builds a high gate invites destruction.” Arguing for arguments sake is sin! How often do we just pick a fight with our spouse or our children? We criticize them for something they do, or wear or think and the peace is broken, the argument is on and the day is ruined. Or there is the person with the ‘high gate’ – the defense of hiding in silence and not addressing issues that need to be addressed. Ignoring conflict is not the answer either.
Ver
se 27 provides the answer; “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.” Conflict is inevitable, but is it done in a caring way? We must keep our emotions under control and use words to build others up, not tear them down (see also Ephesians 4:29). We achieve peace in the home through calmness and a careful choice of words. Verse 28 concludes the chapter; “Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.” There are times when we just need to be quiet! Often, waiting to address a problem will allow us to address it in a more productive way. Romans 12:18 admonishes us to live at peace with everyone, as far as it depends on us. An unhealthy argument cannot take place without our participation. If we follow the leading of Proverbs 17, we can make our home a peaceful refuge.[clear]
[clear] Fortified Marriages Ministry is a 501(c)3, non-profit organization seeking to build strong marriages to withstand the storms that will come. Please consider partnering with us to affect marriages and help couples leave a Godly legacy. Ministry partners may donate to the cause of building strong marriages, become monthly contributors, pray regularly for the ministry, or let others know about the ministry. More information is available on our at www.fortifiedmarriages.com“Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.”
Ronald Reagan
