Parenting and Divorce: The Worst Of Times To The Best Of Times  
Divorce hurts! But it doesn’t have to hurt forever. Your family can recover and happiness is possible.
Personal experience led me to a lesson I feel is important to share. Divorce happened for our family after 21 years of marriage. It was a very tough decision. The environment in our home was unhealthy.
But I heard, “Stay together for the kids and keep the family intact.” You’ve probably heard something similar—and maybe you believed it. When I got that advice, I disagreed and then found what was true.
I believe parents are the models for their kids. Our children learn about their world and how it works from us. When respect, love and compassion are shown through how parents treat each other, children feel safe and nurtured. When adult conflict exists, uncomfortable silences and angry conversations, children absorb it and their sense of security is compromised.
Children will grow up to be resilient when parents demonstrate how to live through the ups and downs of life after divorce. When parents remain stuck, children can adjust, but it often includes learning to live with stress and a misunderstanding of what healthy, positive relationships look like.
What can help you recover, find peace and a happy life parenting after divorce?
1. Start by taking care of you.
Self-care is not selfish, especially with all the twists and turns you and your children will go through as you adjust to the new family structure. The goal is to become a solid foundation for yourself first, so you can stand on it for them.
This goal can be achieved quicker when you pay attention to your emotional triggers. What makes you angry? What makes you happy? What gives you relaxation and relief from stress?
Knowing these well allows you to discover how emotions control your actions and reactions. So, be patient with yourself as you begin to understand your sadness and look for healing.
It takes time to take care of you.
2. Take inventory of past events for Information not Intimidation.
Learn from the past, but don’t live there. Realize what didn’t work, make the effort to improve and move forward. Your goal should be “to make things better, not bitter.” (That’s a quote from the Active Parent Program.)
The past is full of useful information, even if it is painful. A scientific study of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs, www.acestudy.org) proved that pain and trauma experienced in childhood often lead to poor emotional and physical health in adulthood.
3. Focus on raising well-adjusted, confident, self-responsibleand happy kids.
Keep a positive view of yourself and your kids. Listen with all your senses to what they need from you so you can nurture them physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Learn to communicate your needs and desires clearly and teach them to do the same. Shift their focus from problems to solutions. Hug them often and love them unconditionally.
4. Be a cooperative co-parent.
One way to achieve a cooperative perspective is to see the other parent through your child’s eyes. At every age, children need to be free to love both of their parents unconditionally. Be cooperative by communicating with each other in a businesslike manner, providing complete information so everyone is aware of what the children need. Seek and find common ground and focus on win-win outcomes. Remember both of you are your children’s “forever parents!”
5. Parenting after divorce is an adventure—just like it was during marriage!
Let these important tips be your guide when communication breaks down and you feel stuck. Have patience, notice and be grateful for small successes and never lose hope.
6. Above all else, practice No Judgment. Just Love.™
Everyone involved in divorce—from infants up through great grandparents—moves through the pain of a family separation in different ways and at different times. Have compassion for everyone and know the only person’s behavior you have complete control over is your own.
And that is a powerful position to be in.
To your parenting success and your child’s happiness!
ShaRon Rea
Founder, Certified Life and Parenting Coach
The Whole Family Coaching
Parents~Teens~Family~Life
www.thewholefamilycoaching.com
ShaRon@thewholefamilycoaching.com
Contact me directly for more personal support as you parent after divorce.
 
Children and Divorce: Parenting Tips to Help Your Family Cope and Adjust
by ShaRon Rea, is available in English and Spanish www.thewholefamilycoaching.com
 
Visit www.nojudgmentjustlove.com and learn more about our global movement inspiring humanity to live together with respect and dignity, and to purchase the No Judgment. Just Love.™ Charm.