Humility in the Marriage Relationship

Chris & Carmen Garner
Every couple we’ve counseled in the past twenty plus years have been quick to point out the wrongs their spouse have perpetrated against them. Carmen and I were this way for too many years and still work to maintain a healthy, realistic view when issues arise. It is human nature to look at others faults and not to look at ourselves. It requires humility – the mind of Christ to look at ourselves and what we contribute to the situation rather than blame our spouse. Yes, we must address sin when it is present, but often conflict and arguments are about different views or desires rather than the sin of one spouse. I cannot tell you how many times we receive the “yeah, but…” when we attempt to get a person to look at their contributions to the issues they experience in their marriage. It might be difficult, but it is possible to change
     Humility; the freedom from arrogance that grows out of the recognition that all we have and are comes from God (Nelson’s Bible Dictionary), is not a belittling of oneself, but an exalting or praising of others, especially Christ. A humble person focuses more on God and others than on self, but also accepts responsibility for his or her actions and behaviors. Humility is critical to a healthy, God honoring marriage. We are not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought to (Rom. 12:3), but we are to consider others better than ourselves (Phil. 2:3). In humility we can look at ourselves and our contributions to our marital difficulties rather than pointing the finger at our spouse. In humility we can seek to give to our spouse as Christ has given to us; giving grace and mercy and forgiveness. The couples who make it, who develop healthy, fulfilling marriages are the couples who humbly accept responsibility to change themselves and not try to change their spouse.
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