The Graceful Marriage
By Chris Garner
Grace; receiving what we don’t deserve, is the ideal that sets Christianity apart from all other religions and philosophies. It is a principle that, hypothetically, is lived out in the church and every Christian’s life. But as we know, too little grace is found in the Church and in Christian lives and too often we do not find grace in Christian marriage. Philip Yancey wrote, “For many, romantic love is the closest experience of pure grace. Someone at last feels that I – I! – am the most desirable, attractive, companionable creature on the planet.” Usually, people begin marriage with that romantic love, no wonder they are so disappointed when the “love” wears off and the routine of daily life takes over – and grace is no where to be found. The graceful couple seeks to love each other as Christ loves them – unconditionally
Grace is not allowing someone to run over, abuse, control or use us, but it is, as Paul Zahl says, “unconditional love toward a person who does not deserve it.”  The graceful marriage radiates this unconditional love despite the slights and wrongs that occur every day. Couples ought to keep no record of wrongs or be easily angered or self-seeking. (1Cor13) The marriage relationship should be a place where forgiveness, patience and kindness rule while couples seek to protect, trust, hope and persevere in their love for each other. God loved us enough to come to earth and die a horrible death for us – His grace gives us what we could never hope to achieve, how can we not extend grace to the person we’ve promised to love and cherish and stand with for the rest of our lives? Christ demonstrated love and gave grace to us; His selflessness is to be a model for how we live our lives as Christians and as husbands and wives.
Everyone has their excuses; we hear it all the time in counseling. ‘You don’t understand how awful he (or she) is.’ ‘You don’t understand how long I’ve put up with his (or her) hurtful words (or bossiness, or lack of care or attitude, on and on and on).’ We’ve heard so many reasons why people don’t care, won’t work on their marriage or decided to just give up. What if Christ gave up on you?! We sin every day and yet God extends grace and more grace and more grace to us. We demand justice for our spouse, but cry out to God for grace for ourselves – what hypocrites we are! Do we not understand that the power of grace is different than the power of justice; it is unworldly, transforming, supernatural? If you want change in your marriage, stop seeking justice and start giving grace. John Stott reminds us that “grace is love that cares and stoops and rescues.” The couple in a graceful marriage don’t seek to win, dominate, defend, attack or jump to conclusions; they seek to accept differences, allow mistakes, tell the truth and seek to understand their spouses.
Chris Garner
Fortified Marriages Ministry
Phone: 480-699-2515
E-mail: info@fortifiedmarriages.com
Website: www.fortifiedmarriages.com